Stages of separation for men and women
If parting became inevitable and both partnersdecided to take this step, then, most likely, there will be a question: "How to live further and what to do?". Separation is a concept familiar to everyone. Family psychologists say that a person subconsciously considers a break with a loved one as a loss. At the same time, experiencing this loss, a person passes through certain stages of separation.
The first is the denial of reality
A beloved beloved can not accept and believe inthe fact that they parted with him, and the fact that this separation is final and irreparable. He still makes plans and piously believes that the gap is just a stupid mistake and sooner or later he will again become, as before. He thinks that the other half will call and say that everything will be fine and they are together again. The first stage can last from three to five weeks to a year and a half.
The second is anger at a loved one
Stages of experiencing parting can not do withoutanger, because the realization that a loved one betrayed and abandoned, can not but carry this negative feeling. Resentment gradually turns into aggression, and the ex-partner is accused of unwillingness to maintain relations. Angry manifestations are purely individual, so some miss the second stage and immediately move to the third.
The third one - bargaining and hope for the best
Trying to resume past relationships, a personbegins to bargain with himself or her former partner. For example, experiencing the stages of parting with a girl, a man sets himself a certain time (interval), during which he will have a chance to reconcile and resume relations with the partner. Creating such a time frame, he tries to cope with separation and get used to a new state - loneliness.
The fourth one is depression and apathy
Awareness of his helplessness, and with itDepression comes when a person realizes that to deny separation is meaningless and nothing can be changed. Negative thoughts gradually lead to despair, depression, apathy, insomnia, sadness. All these states are quite natural reaction of the body to stress. Especially acute they can take place in the fourth and second stages of parting in women.
Fifth - life from scratch
Life goes on, people gradually forgetold insults, get acquainted with new people, cease to live in the past. A second wind opens, and with it new plans, forces and hopes for a brighter future are emerging.
Family psychologists say that the experience of separation can last as long as three months, and three years, it all depends on the nervous system of a particular person.
Factors and causes
The stages of taking parting depend on manycauses and factors. Perhaps the most difficult thing here is nostalgia: at any moment, no matter how happy a person may be, he can again plunge into memories. And if some people experience these nostalgic moments simply and with a smile, then others are again wrapped in despair, anxiety, sadness, regret and even anger.
To experience separation from your beloved is not easy. Parting is unbearable by making changes to the already familiar, established way of life. A lot also depends on who initiated separation: if the ex-partner offered it, then a sense of inferiority and self-esteem is added to the oppressed state. Thoughts about what a loved one has neglected and betrayed, are knocked out of the habitual life path.
The most important thing is to go through all 5 stagesparting, try not to stay in any of them for more than two to four weeks. It is very important to put an end to the relationship, stop thinking about them, start a new happy life.
The sooner a person lets go of his beloved,stop calling him, write, see, the sooner and less painfully the separation phase will pass. Do not be afraid of a new life and new relationships, trying on them the sad patterns of the past: letting go, sooner or later you will find such a welcome relief and spiritual freedom.
If you can not get out of depression, psychologistsadvise to make an analysis of relationships, while it is important to remember not only the negative, but also the positive moments, as well as what led to the parting. It is very important to draw conclusions and prevent the repetition of mistakes in the future.
The unwillingness of a former partner to maintain friendly relations speaks of a strong resentment that does not allow him to behave differently. In this case, it is worth thinking about what was wrong in the relationship.
How to survive the separation from a man
Stages of parting in women differ morepronounced emotionality and extension. There are cases when representatives of the weaker sex were in a depressed state after separation for more than ten years.
Psychologists advise girls in a particularly difficult situation to put on the mask of a successful lady, get used to this image and try to experience as many positive emotions as possible, being strong and independent.
Acting on this principle and as if livingdifficult life period for another person, you can not only restore your peace of mind, but also find a new partner who will heal all the wounds of the soul.
Another important factor of happiness ispraise and admiration of oneself. It's not a secret that it's hard enough to love yourself again, experiencing separation. Self-love is the point without which the fifth stage can not pass.
Forgiveness and acceptance
A very important point in the second stage of partingfor men it is the forgiveness of the former lover and the realization that she too has the right to personal happiness and life with another person. During this period it is necessary to avoid negative memories, discussions with friends and especially calls and messages with unpleasant text and reproach.
In order to survive this difficult lifestage, you need to mentally let go of your former partner. Do not humble yourself or try to return it. After all, even if he agrees to resume communication, then, most likely, he will do it out of pity.
The longer was the love union, theIt is harder to endure separation and go through all the stages of parting. Psychology in this case offers a lot of trainings that can help solve the problem and do not close in yourself. For example, separation is a chance to realize an old dream, an opportunity to change jobs, move, start a new life. With the severance of relations, however sad it may sound, there is more time that can be taken by visiting museums, fairs, cinemas, theaters, enrolling in various sections and master classes. The main thing in this period is not to sit at home and not succumb to despair.
The longer, the worse
Relive the parting after a long relationshipalways more difficult than the rupture of fleeting novels. In this situation, psychologists advise not to despair and to look at the situation from a different angle. Separation is a chance to start life from scratch, to accomplish everything that it was simply impossible to decide earlier. Failure in his personal life is a chance to reach heights in his career and become a real professional. This is the time of travel and fulfillment of desires. The opportunity to realize a childhood dream, do dancing, learn how to cook a beautiful soap or collect an air model.
Experiencing a break with a loved one, most importantly -not to fall into despair and not to allow obsessive thoughts about loneliness. After all, communication with family, friends and colleagues can not make up for the warmth, understanding and security that was before. As interesting as a person could be with an interlocutor, in his heart he understands that such pleasure, as when communicating with a loved one, will no longer be.
Break with your beloved woman
Men experience separation more sharply thanwomen. Yes, in everyday life, a strong half of humanity is characterized by restraint, willpower and firmness of character. But when it comes to breaking up relations, especially if it happens suddenly, without reason and on the initiative of a woman, emotions are very acute. It is especially difficult to survive the separation emotionally dependent on the second half of men. After all, dependence, psychologists say, does not come from love for their second half, but from hatred of oneself and a desire to fill the void inside with compliments and pleasant words.
Usually men are mean to emotions and prefer everythingkeep in yourself, that's why when adrenaline in the blood goes off and rage tries to get out, it's likely that the stages after parting in men will be accompanied by:
- taking liquor in an attempt to stifle pain;
- sports, sometimes to complete exhaustion of the body;
- promiscuous sexual intercourse (a person is affirmed at the expense of others);
- trips by car or motorcycle at high speed.
Family psychologists argue that the stronger sex reacts more sharply to the negativity that occurs in the relationship, and this is due to the fact that the male psyche in such a situation is more susceptible than the female.
Stages after parting in men and womenpass approximately equally. In this difficult period, the main thing is to fall in love again and learn to respect yourself, because how we treat ourselves to ourselves, so do others.
Having fallen in love and having accepted, the person can live further and meet the one with whom he will share his feelings.
Only after a while you can understand that the gap was a necessity and the new relationship is much stronger and more joyful than the previous ones.
In order to go through all the stages of parting as painlessly as possible, psychologists recommend:
- Enjoy every moment and rush to fill every second of your life with meaning, interesting events and new people;
- separation - this is what every person goes through, so sometimes it's just worth building strength and suffering;
- stop looking for weaknesses in yourself and consider that someone is better and more worthy than you;
- never write, call or pursue a former lover;
- remove social and phone data from the former or former, do not follow his / her life and do not communicate with common acquaintances;
- not to be alone, to visit as many interesting places as possible;
- enroll in fitness, in the pool or sports club;
- learn something new;
- make interesting acquaintances, do not give up dating;
- as much time as possible to give interesting and important things;
- change the image, buy new clothes, perfumes, cosmetics, accessories.
The above tips are not only very simple and practical, but also effective.
Tips for people who have survived separation
In numerous forums, you can also find interesting tips on how to survive the stages of parting.
To solve this problem, users are advised to adopt the following techniques:
- If the separation was at the initiative of the former, do everything that he regretted that he left you.
- If the relationship is rolling down, part first / first with your half.
- Behave as confidently as possible when meeting with mutual friends, they do not need to know that separation disturbs you.
- Stop feeling like a victim.
- Do charity work.
- Learn to draw or sculpt from clay.
- Pass as quickly as possible all the stages of separation.
- Find out the truth about your relationship from the side, perhaps in the future it will help you build a happy union.
- Change the situation, start traveling.
- Stop ceasing to be sorry. Especially this advice applies to the stronger sex, because it is known that the stages of parting in men are much harder than in women.
- Draw conclusions and do not repeat your mistakes in the future.
It is important to remember that the views onmen and women are very different. And so only that union in which both partners pursue the same goal (for example, to create a family) can successfully develop and are ready to listen to each other and find a solution to the problem at any time.