Sex after childbirth: why you do not want sex after childbirth, how to tune in to the first sex after childbirth, what poses to choose and how to protect yourself nursing mother?
9 months of gestation, painful childbirth, joyful meeting with the baby, care for him ... Of course, there is no time to think about sex, and you do not know what to expect. Suddenly it will hurt, or the husband will not like it because of the stretching of the muscles ... Let's talk about the first sex after the birth. When can I go back to intimacy? How to make the first sex enjoyable? What position to choose? And also touch on many more interesting topics relating to the first sex after giving birth.
The main thing in the article
When can I have sex after giving birth?
The question of when to resume intimate life should be answered by an obstetrician-gynecologist who will check the woman before discharge home. Usually, if childbirth has passed without complications, the term is 6 weeks or 40 days. This time is necessary to restore the internal genital organs of a woman.
If the birth ended with a cesarean section or there were any complications during natural delivery, the recovery period will take more than 8 weeks.
During this time, the uterus will narrow (return to normal form), bloody remnants of labor activity (lochia) will come out, and tears (cracks) will heal, if any.
According to the medical "canons", sexuality can be started on the basis of the course of the generic process, and the medical terms look like this:
The above are medical standards (rules) that apply to everyone, but it should be borne in mind that every woman’s body is unique, for many the recovery process is much faster, and lochia cease to stand out for 30 days. Therefore, 100% of the period for abstinence from sex after childbirth should not be established. Listen to yourself and decide for yourself, is it possible?
There are cases when a woman is ready to resume an intimate life, but morally can’t decide on it.Then you should look for the cause, since the problem of lack of sex very often destroys families, even if they have small children.
Cases in which sex after birth is better to postpone
Not all women are “lucky” to have a baby without complications and tears. About 10% of deliveries pass with complications and approximately 30% end with a planned or emergency cesarean section. It is in these cases it is better to wait, because early sex can injure a woman and for a long time “beat off” the craving for intimacy.
In which cases with sex you need to wait:
- The child’s passage through the birth canal was severely traumatic and the woman had many stitches. In this case, sex is contraindicated until complete healing of wounds. Sometimes it takes up to several months.
- Cesarean section. Although after such a delivery the vagina remains in the same tone (form), it is possible to have sex only after +/- 4 months. This is due to the fact that during the operation on the uterus an incision is made in order to remove the child from its cavity, and then a suture is applied. To seam is not sold, sex should be abandoned.
I do not want sex after giving birth: why is libido reduced?
The reluctance of a woman to have sex is determined by two factors:
To physical include:
- Hormonal disbalance.During pregnancy and lactation in the female body the hormone is actively produced - prolactin. It suppresses the production of other hormones that are responsible for the excitation, so the woman becomes slightly frigid and does not experience sexual desire.
- Physical fatigueAt first, the woman is trying to adjust to the new rhythm of life, because with the advent of the child, oh, how it gets. Sleepless nights spent with a baby, colic in a child, constant pumping, a lot of restrictions are added to worries. Everything is growing like a snowball, and the woman no longer feels anything, except for constant, chronic fatigue. The only dream is to “crawl” to bed and sleep. Naturally, in such cases, sex, she simply did not want.
As for psychological factors, these are mainly fears of the following nature:
- Fear of pain. The process of childbirth itself is very painful, the fear of the fact that penetrating into the vagina settles in the brain, a man will cause the pain similar to the birth to her.
- Fear does not satisfy the husband.Nature has conceived so that the body of a woman in order to have a child, "stretches" the birth canal and genitals. Fear of seeing her husband too big (wide) inside makes a woman refuse him intimate intimacy.
- Fear of appearing naked.Of course, after birth, the belly still hangs, stretch marks appear, there is excess weight. It all becomes complex: not perfect, not beautiful, not sexy. It is these complexes that make the young mother say no to her husband.
Sex after childbirth: how to overcome fear?
To return harmony to the family and to establish an intimate life, you need to deal with fears. But how? If we talk only about the psychological aspect of fear of sex, then these tips will help:
- Configure or persuade yourself.If you physically feel that everything seems to be getting better inside, try using “I don't want” or some other “excuses” to let your husband touch himself. Let everything begin with gentle kisses and touches, he should “lead” you and only then gently penetrate the bosom. In cases where you experience pain that you cannot tolerate, set aside the next affinity for a week and try again.
- Seek support from a loved one. If you do not want sex, then you think a man is also not up to it? Here you are greatly mistaken, because sex for him is a physiological need, and he has no hormonal disruptions like yours. Your task is to talk to your husband and talk about your fears, while explaining what might not work out for the first time, and it is up to him to try very hard in terms of intimate caresses so that you want to finish them with copulation.
- Set priorities and look for secondary benefits.As for priorities, if you want to have harmony in your family and loyalty to your husband (exclude the possibility of going “left”), then sex is a prerequisite. The secondary benefit lies in the fact that you can “hand over” the child to her husband, who came from work, while you yourself can go to sleep. Argue with the fact that when the child falls asleep, you will have sex, and after that you will not be able to sleep, because the baby will need to be fed, changed clothes, etc.
Sex problems after childbirth
If a woman says that the first sex after childbirth was perfect, then she will be one of the lucky ones who are more fortunate than the rest. When sex after childbirth, difficulties always arise, and it is better to be prepared for them in advance.
- Discomfort or mild pain during sex.If you are determined to resume intimate life, then pick a position in which you will experience the least discomfort. You can also wait with sex and replace it with oral sex and external caresses.
- Vaginal dryness.Due to the decrease in the production of sex hormones, quite often when having sex at first after birth, dryness in the vagina is observed. This gives a lot of inconvenience to both partners. To solve this problem, use lubricants. Over time, sexual functions will be restored and you will completely abandon their use.
- The possibility of infection.Such a risk exists because even after the cessation of the Lohis, it is still too early to talk about full recovery. In the uterus, there are still “open” places that can become inflamed if bacteria enter. To avoid this, ask your partner to wash the penis well (moving away the edges of the flesh) and hands before each intercourse.
- Slapping (farting) sounds.Unnatural sounds during movement of the penis inside appear due to the stretching of the vaginal walls, which are collected by folds.When the penis is moving, the air from these folds comes out, making an unnatural sound. To avoid discomfort during sex, because the husband does not know about such physiology, talk to him about it, warn. And during intercourse, just ignore these sounds.
- Lack of orgasm.Quite a common postpartum problem. Again, physiology. Until the vaginal muscles come to a tone, it is unlikely that you will get a vaginal orgasm. So that you can experience the pleasant sensations, ask your partner to bring you to the clitoral orgasm.
How to tune in to the first sex after giving birth?
To approach the issue of renewing intimate relationships should both partners. On the female side - it is getting rid of fear and the fight against complexes. From male - to surround your beloved with care and interest in the development of events
You can take a bath together while the baby is sleeping, or have dinner by candlelight. Turn on the music softly, put on sexy lingerie and let your partner pull you into bed. This "drag" should consist of a thousand kisses, gentle words, touches.
What poses for sex prefer to give birth to a woman?
Perfect for starting intimate life posture with shallow penetration, in which a woman can control the depth of entry. These poses include:
- "Rider" or "woman on top."In this position, the partner can control the whole process: depth, speed, frequency and stop at the moment when she considers it necessary.
- "On the side."Low penetration pose. A man can additionally caress the ass, chest, back partner, to relax her more.
- "Missionary" or standard.In this position, all responsibility falls on the man, because he is responsible for all movements within the partner.
With the rest of the postures in the early stages should be postponed. The main task of choosing a pose is to give pleasure to both partners. This factor will become dominant for a woman who wants to return an intimate life to her life.
Sex after childbirth: the first time
As with the loss of virginity, a woman after childbirth during intercourse may feel pain. This is usually due to gaps or microcracks, obtained during childbirth, in which the perineal nerve endings are damaged.Even after complete healing, the scar area is sensitive to friction and pressure. In addition, the “live” scar does not allow the vaginal muscles to stretch.
Pain disappears with time. Inflammation of the scars passes, the nerve endings adapt to the new structure of the womb. Tell your husband about your feelings, let it be more careful.
Resume intimate life should be gradually, with kisses, caresses, touches. Feel free to try different positions, choosing the most convenient one.
In some very rare cases, pain may be associated with serious anatomical disorders of the vaginal walls: it may be accretion or the effects of surgery during the labor process. Here only a reconstructive surgery will help, after which sex will be the same as for the first time.
How to enjoy the first postpartum sex?
Many will say, and is it possible? The answer without editorial comments, the story of our readers:
“It so happened that I gave birth to a husband a child after 9 years of marriage. He’s a mean-minded man for me, so for such a period we even stopped kissing before sex, all according to the standard - we fulfilled marital duty and sleep.During pregnancy, he affectionately treated me, sex was, but neat, so as not to harm the child. The period of abstinence after birth, he kept himself well done, slept embracing. When I decided to have sex (the question was before I got up, but when?), I immediately said that I was a little afraid and didn’t know how and what I would feel. It all started with kisses ... I will not go into the details of intimate caresses, I will just say: before he entered me, I finished three times, thanks to his hands and tongue. I was so “stoned” that I just don’t remember what my first sex after birth was (I mean pain, discomfort, dryness). My daughter is already 5 years old, and I can say with confidence that this was my first such “delicious” sex. ”
Contraception for having sex after giving birth
Argued that during breastfeeding is not necessary to protect. This opinion is erroneous, and a woman can become pregnant, because the genitals are ready to perform their functions. Therefore, renewing sex life, you need to think about the methods of contraception, which are allowed during lactation. It can be:
- Condom.This is a reliable method of contraception, does not affect the woman's body. Has a degree of protection of 99.9%.The only drawback is that everything happens less sensitively with him and he should always be “at hand”.
- Intrauterine device. There are spirals for 3 years, 5 and 10 years. If you do not plan to have children in the near future, you can use this method of contraception. The helix can be placed 2–3 months after birth. Her percentage of protection is 99%. It is safe for the health of the young mother and does not affect lactation. The disadvantages include: minor discomfort, menstruation will go a few days longer and more abundant than before its installation.
- Candles.They should be based on nonoxynol or benzalkonium chloride, which destroy sperm. They are used before sexual intercourse (for a certain time), so spontaneous sex is inappropriate here. Manufacturers of such candles claim that the active substance is not absorbed into the blood, that is, they are safe for the baby. To trust this information or not, each mother decides for herself. The main disadvantages of such a contraceptive include the limited time, because you can not predict when the baby falls asleep and you can have sex with her husband.
Only those young mothers who have formula-fed babies can use oral, hormonal contraceptives or injections. When breastfeeding, such methods of protection are prohibited.
In conclusion, I want to say: dear young mommies, after the birth of a child, do not let it immediately, but sex is revealed quite differently. Sensations become sensual, and orgasms - much brighter and more often. Do not deny yourself the pleasure and allow your partner to take you to a new world of bright unforgettable sensations.